Perinatal Depression and Anxiety
Big changes or transitions often come with mixed emotions and becoming a parent (or becoming a parent AGAIN) is one of the biggest changes we go through in life.
Even when you are primarily excited about your baby’s upcoming birth; you planned the pregnancy and know it is what you want for your family, it doesn’t mean that at times you won’t feel terrified, anxious, depressed or even regretful about the situation!
Is it safe to assume that because you are reading this far, that you are either concerned about your mental health at the moment, or you have experienced depression and/or anxiety at other times in your life and so are getting prepared just in case it strikes again? Very sensible, we applaud you for trying to inform yourself. Increasing your self-awareness is key to maintaining positive mental health.
It’s common to experience anxiety and depression together, so it’s helpful to know the signs for both.
It’s also worth noting that we all feel some or all of these things sometimes! The important thing to note is how often you are feeling them and to what intensity, and to be honest with yourself about it so you can ask for help. Hopefully you have people around you who know you well and would be honest too, if they thought you were experiencing difficulties.
If you are seriously concerned about your mental health, please seek urgent help from your GP or healthcare professional, or see the list of useful resources at the end of this guide.
Taken from the Mind website, some signs of perinatal depression include feeling:
hopeless, despairing
tearful, low in mood
restless, agitated or irritable
guilty, worthless
empty and numb
low self-confidence or self-esteem
isolated and unable to relate to other people
finding no pleasure in life or things you usually enjoy
hostile or indifferent to your partner
hostile or indifferent to your baby
You might also find that you:
lose concentration
find it hard to sleep, even when you have the opportunity
have a reduced appetite
lack interest in sex
Some signs of perinatal anxiety include:
feeling tense, nervous or unable to relax
having a sense of dread, or fearing the worst
feeling like other people can see you're anxious and are looking at you, judging you
wanting lots of reassurance from other people or worrying that people are angry or upset with you
worrying that you're losing touch with reality
worrying a lot about things that might happen in the future
rumination – thinking a lot about bad experiences, or thinking over a situation again and again
depersonalisation – feeling disconnected from your mind or body, or like you're watching someone else (this is a type of dissociation)
derealisation – feeling disconnected from the world around you, or like the world isn't real (this is a type of dissociation).
You might also feel:
a churning feeling in your stomach
feeling light-headed or dizzy
feeling restless or unable to sit still
headaches, backache or other aches and pains
faster breathing
a fast, thumping or irregular heartbeat
sweating or hot flushes
finding it hard to sleep, even when you have the opportunity
grinding your teeth, especially at night
nausea
changes in your sex drive
having panic attacks
However, there are some things you can do to help yourself right now:
Look after your nutrition and physical wellbeing. Eating well and staying active can make a big difference in both the short and long term and exercise is a proven stress management technique.
Try to practice mindfulness whenever you can. It is great for anxiety, because it stops the mind from spiralling into thoughts about the future or the past. Tiny snippets of this kind of self-care can add up to a more positive outlook in general. Start by focussing on one breath, or on the specific task/activity you are doing by tuning into your senses (what can you see/hear/smell etc?). Have you read my short blog post on simplifying self care?
Be gentle with yourself. Being a parent can be really hard work at times, and these first few months after a child arrives are challenging for most! Try to surround yourself with people who support you and practice asking them for help with small things, so that you feel more able to ask about the big stuff should you need it.
It can feel impossible but try to make some time for yourself and your partner, even if it is a ‘debrief’ together at the end of the day, or a quick chat over dinner. Try and share what you’re feeling with each other. Simply talking about how we are feeling can make a big difference. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say!
Stay in touch with friends and colleagues from ‘before’ the new baby arrived. It can be easy to suddenly feel distant and separate from what’s happening ‘out there’ socially, or at work. Suggest meeting up for a coffee or even just sending a message/call to people can keep you feeling like you’re still in the loop. Hopefully people will initiate coming to see you and the new baby, so book in your next date with them then.
Don’t get sucked into social media ‘scrolling’. It causes us to compare ourselves to others, despite us knowing that what we see is only a snapshot of someone else’s reality. If you do use social media, utilise the support it can give rather than allow it to get you down. Edit the list of accounts you follow!
Useful websites:
www.mind.org.uk
www.samaritans.org
www.maternalmentalhealthalliance.org
www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
www.birthrights.org.uk